“Each year, as Christmas approaches, I find myself thinking about the Christmas in the late 1970s which I spent in a treatment center for alcoholism in Minnesota. I was there because others in my life thought I had a serious problem with alcohol, while I considered my drinking to be a minor problem. I spent that Christmas filled with shame because of my situation. I had been a member of my congregation for more than 20 years and was quite successful as a teacher. I asked myself over and over, ‘How could I have become an alcoholic?’ Although I was told I had a disease, I could not accept that because I was convinced that I had brought it upon myself.

When I was finally discharged from treatment I was still filled with shame. I did not want anyone in my congregation to know where I had been. Therefore, I felt lonely and isolated. I went to AA meetings but continued to relapse about every month or two, which contributed to my shame. After all, the community had paid a significant amount of money to an excellent treatment center and I was still drinking.

As my relapses got further apart, I knew I was involved in a deep spiritual transformation that called for an acceptance of my alcoholism. This meant finding a new relationship with the God of my understanding. I also knew that if I was going to remain a member of my congregation, I had to find a way to be open with them and stop being secretive about my alcoholism. I also had the sense that my early recovery would have been easier if I knew another sister in recovery.